Life is What Happens To You..

"... While You’re Busy Making Other Plans" Says John Lennon and I find it true.
So yep, HELLO PEOPLE! I have been living low profile a while here and in everywhere on internet. The thing is: LIFE happened. My computer broke, which - thanks to so many of you willing to help me - I was able to fix and now it is working and running better than ever. Gotta have a streaming session celebrating that and finish some small promised art for people. (I haven't forgotten my to do list and last two emergency commissions I own to impalae and Janttuman)

Ah... And next some personal muttering about personal matters because why not. I am sure it won't hurt to tell, even if I have tried not to bleed my mind here.

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This summer as well as the spring/winter before that hasn't been kind to me. I experienced what it really is to have burnout which lead to moderate depressive episode in my life, and I am still healing from that which is hard to admit. Within three years there has been already lifetime amount of visits to the hospital, all for different reasons. But this just adds to already huge pile of visits. Did I have a slightest idea how much working yourself too hard on too many fields at the same time can affect you, I 'd never ever had harassed myself the way I did. Because in the end all I got as a result was wrecked mind, panic attacks, anxiety, stress which are affecting me physically, not only mentally and most of all the feeling that I just can't do this. Huge drop on self confidence.

The problem is, I still have to do all those things I assigned myself for before that meltdown. School, Oulu Game lab / Pandemic era, Commissions.... and I I can just wonder, how on earth am I going to do that? Many have told me to drop something. Anything, that I could be able to start a new, but the question is, if I am able to swallow my pride and admit that I will have to drop myself off of something? Mere thinking of it is making me mad at myself, which obviously won't lead anywhere.
I am still yet to find answer and I am just spinning around in darkness, stumbling about and trying to find the way out. Most likely I will not be as active here as I used to, or that is what would be wise thing to do. Lets see what happens, but sure I will repeat what I have told in other journals before:
DO NOT panic if I don't reply you right away. I will try, but I won't let my self stress about it. Same with fanart. I love every single one of them and I will see to them but only on my own time. ;; O ;;

If I have to say something good about what happened, it is that I have learned so much about myself. Most of it is not pretty. But I am still glad that it happened, if it is not too weird to say so.

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ANYWAY, something good happened too! Thanks to I was able to get into the Art role play games! Some of you may have already noticed that I have a side account for those things, but for those who don't it is !